My friends from grade nine and the beginning of grade ten were the best friends I’ve ever had.  I love them so much and I miss them a lot.  I have a couple of them still but there’s one or two that I really want to be friends with agian. 
I’m working on my issues with the school counsellor (which is actually really helping me express myself in healthy ways opposed to what I’ve been doing).  I’m upset with myself from last year and wish I had done things a lot differently.  I wish I hadn’t told my one friend something that I thought of just from one night at a youth retreat and I wish I hadn’t broken up with my boyfriend for another guy…actually, I wish I never dated him because he was an awesome friend and I miss him. 
I miss those days because everything was so much simpler before I did those things.  Those people thought I was the best thing to happen to this planet and didn’t judge me for one second and loved me for who I was.  The friends I turned to after - it sometimes felt like they were judging me.

The past two weeks have been awful!  Ever since I got back form Nashville I just feel so lonely.  My family is causing me stress, school is causing me stress, my friends are causing me stress.  Last night was horrible.  I learned that my friend is in the hospital because of mental health reasons and my mom was acting like my piercing was the reason I didn’t want to talk (I wasn’t opening my mouth apparently).  NO MOM!!  I am very upset about what is happening and by you always commenting on my appearance doesn’t help. 
Last night was the first night in a long time that I thought about cutting and suicide.  And I also threw in some new ones like obtaining an eating disorder, becoming an alcoholic and having sex with random strangers. 
I don’t know what’s happening right now in my mind but I’m seeing a councellor at school and she only focusses on one issue and that’s not even the main issue for me right now. 
I can’t wait until this school year is over and then I don’t have to deal with so much stress.